Things I’m Already Tired of Hearing

This was created by a couple of adoptive moms.  When people I know ask me these questions, I’m usually not offended, but I do get a little touchy when random strangers insert themselves into our lives by asking this stuff. Promise me you’ll never ask these questions to another adoptive family.  If you need help asking questions, let me know and I’ll tell you what to say instead.


5 responses

  1. Too Funny. Unfortunately, I have heard a lot of these comments, too. Never got the “Are you going to tell them they are adopted?” one though. =) Occasionally, I have had random AA strangers quietly say things to me like, “Thank you for doing your part to make sure EVERY child gets a loving home” and “You are brave.” Once I had an elderly man smile at me and say with pride, “I see you believe in No Child Left Behind.” That was a good one. =) We travel in the same circles so much, that is really a non-issue most places. When we join a new circle of people (like starting city football league) or travel on vacation someplace, I remember that we are different when people stare and question us.

  2. Having been a trans-racial adoptive mom for 17 years , I’ve heard a lot of these questions/comments. The questions that are honestly and politely asked don’t bother me as much as the ones about money (really?) or asking if the Chinese “hate girls” (no). I guess I have a hard time being told that she is “lucky”. I often respond that I feel very blessed to be her mom.
    I DO ask other families “How long have you been a family?” as an opening to chat on occasion. The conversation either ends or begins at that point. Everyone has their boundaries and limits. Now that my daughter is old enough to answer the questions herself (or to recognize rude for what it is) I have to laugh at her answers…she takes no prisoners if she perceives someone being rude or just stupid.

    • I like your opening line. I’m going to have to steal that one. I agree that there are some inquisitive people who are more polite in their questioning, and I certainly don’t mind answering their appropriate questions. I agree with you about the “lucky” comment…I think I’m going to do a whole blog post on why that bothers me.

      • The whole” lucky” thing kills me because a) luck had nothing to do with it and b) if anyone was “lucky” it was me, not her. An unfortunate/tragic set of circumstances brought us together and made us a family. Fortunately I was allowed to parent my daughter, but someone else was not allowed to do so, so luck was not a part of the equation. I wanted a baby more than anything in my life and another woman’s tragedy allowed me to do that. I worked hard to get her and to parent to the best of my ability. Luck was not a part of the picture. Hard to believe that people have not evolved much in their thinking over the years and that the same questions are being repeated over and over. One kid at a time, one family at a time , we are changing the world.

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