At Home

The question I get asked most often by my friends?  “How’s that Stay-At-Home-Mom thing going?”  I think there must be a pool about how long I’ll last before I go back to work! I wonder what the Vegas odds are saying.

My answer?  Some days are better than others.

I would like to say that I’ve fallen into a comfortable routine, but that hasn’t really happened.  It seems like there is always something that interrupts my version of a perfect day, whether it’s errands that can’t be put off, orthodontist appointments, field trips with the elementary kids, Halloween parties at school…well, you get the point.  I do love being home with Lucy, but I feel like I’m never really home with Lucy.

There are definitely some benefits to my current gig.  The first has to be the wardrobe.  I’ve been wearing the same two pairs of shorts in a rotation for many months now.  I have a collection of solid color T-shirts to match.  It’s a toss-up between flip flops and tennis shoes, but definitely no high heels.

I am also loving the fact that I can go shopping while everyone else is at work.  Tuesday mornings at 9:30…my new favorite time for grocery shopping.

The biggest problem lurking out there is that I don’t have any friends.  Wait…before you get offended and tell me that YOU are my friend, let me rephrase.  I don’t have anyone to talk to during the day who is in a similar phase of their life.  I have tried some mommy groups and story time at the library.  There are some nice people there, but let’s face it…most of them are in their 20s, with their first baby.  I’m in my 40s, with my 4th baby, have a kid in middle school, have been a working mom longer than a stay-at-home-mom, and have bi-racially adopted kids.  It’s kind of hard to find someone who has much in common with me.  I’ve had the conversations about formula, diaper coupons, and whether you should let your baby watch educational DVDs.  Been there, done that.   Now I need someone to talk to who understands what it’s like to have a middle school kid who desperately needs help with his science fair project while his younger brother needs a snack because he’s still terrified that he’s not going to get another meal, but you can’t put down the baby to help either of them because you’re still working on attachment.  Or how about someone who can explain to me how to help a Kindergartener with his homework when he barely speaks the language, which would be hard enough, but on top of that, you’re doing this homework in the back of a minivan parked at your daughter’s swim team practice and the baby is still attached to your chest.  So, yea…talking about the benefits of organic diaper rash cream isn’t really doing it for me.

So back to life as a SAHM.  It’s good, but not great.  I’m still learning how to do it.  I’m not sure I could go back to work right now – there are just too many things that would never get accomplished.  I don’t think I could make enough money to pay for Lucy’s day care plus pay for a cook, laundress, AND chauffeur.  So if you picked November, 2012 in the pool, sorry to disappoint, but you’re not going to win.


7 responses

  1. Hi Kristin,
    I totally get what you are saying. I am a stay at home mom during the summer months. No matter how hard I try to organize and plan, things just never seem to go like I think they should. Plans are always interrupted by the constant need for my taxi service. As much as I love my kids and cherish every moment with them I am always ready to return to work each September.

  2. I’ve been a SAHM from the beginning of my mommyhood, and honestly, the hardest part was finding friends. I suppose it doesn’t help if you move to a new state when you’re 8 mos pregnant. Really though, more than leaving the realm of getting to go to the bathroom by myself, or getting regular written assessments that tell me that I’m a creative and successful person, or eating my food while fresh and hot, or not explaining my every decision to a 2 foot tall person (as in “why are we having spaghetti for dinner?”), the hardest part of becoming of SAHM was making friends. Making new friends can be challenging, but when the only “given” that you have in common is parenthood can make it even tougher. I hear you! I imagine the challenge is multiplied by the range of age and situations of kids you have. Maybe you need a friend from each stage to start with. Hang in there!

  3. It is always good to know that you are out there going through a lot of the same things as me. I agree about the people to talk to during the day. Days we don’t go out and the only person I talk to all day is 4 years old are hard. That’s why we try to go out every day, even if it’s just the library or the grocery store. Just the small talk with other adults helps. I feel very fortunate to have an adoptive parent friend nearby, that helps a lot too.
    I agree about the clothes too, I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for about a week now.

  4. You know I’ve struggled back and forth on whether to be a SAHM even with two kids in school all day, juggling everything is a nightmare, but you know the number one reason I haven’t is because of what you said. I don’t know how you juggle 4, seriously.

  5. I’m only a few weeks into this SAHM thing and right now it’s doable, but I already find myself wondering how I’m going to feel about it in another couple of months. I appreciate you sharing your ups and downs with it. I agree about the wardrobe although I realized today that I hadn’t washed the t-shirt I’ve been wearing quite a bit in quite a while. Gross.

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